Or at least the, y’know, mild enthusiasm.
I pick up this old manuscript and remember how much I love it. And I could finish it! And self-publish it, even, since no publisher will ever buy “Four Extremely Broken People Have An Adventure!” But I am convinced on some level that it must suck because I started it in 2006 and I must be much better now and so it must really be awful and I must be feeling some kind of weird starry-eyed nostalgia.
I carried this feeling around for years and then sometime today I went “Hang on, I started a comic in 2004 that won a Hugo, and I couldn’t go back and edit it.”
The brain makes a valid point there.
Actually, I started the goblin thing around the same time.
And then I think a bit more and think “How often do I look back at my super old art and go think anything other than “Urrrgh?”
Mm. Well, occasionally. Certainly not by default. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s any good, either. Half of this book is Serious Business, trail of bodies, the horror, the horror and then the rest is snark. The snark is great but I don’t know if it grafts gracefully on top of the rest.
And there’s a romance–it’s the one with the paladin and the ninja accountant–and I am just ass at writing romance. I start to feel all giddy and weird like I’m writing fan fic and what comes out is probably not romantic at all and goddamn these people are broken and if I have to write a sex scene I will probably drop dead.
I think I’m afraid I love them too much. It’s dangerous to love a character. I attempted to explain this to Kevin…
ME: It can be a problem. It’s like Dobby the house-elf.
ME: You’re all “Yay! I love this character sooooo much!” and the readers are all “OH MY GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE NO ONE LIKES YOU DOBBY JUST DIE ALREADY.”
KEVIN: Meesa undastanda, Anakin!
ME: AAAAUGHGHGH YES LIKE THAT EXACTLY JESUS CHRIST YES
I will make him read it. And try not to hover over him twitching while he does, because 75K is a lot to read while someone hovers and twitches.
And then I’d probably have to finish the book anyway.