Went a fabulous party last night at buddy Mur’s. Mur’s parties are always fabulous–she has great friends–but the high point was arguably talking to an infectious disease doctor, who told me exciting things about leprosy (always a favored topic) Buruli’s ulcers (worse than, but related to leprosy) and the shocking number of cases he sees of syphilis contracted by people over 80, which fills one with simultaneous dismay and sneaking hope for one’s old age.
And of course, the inevitable stories of people in the emergency room with things inserted in places where Some Things Should Not Be Inserted. Like two baked potatoes and a jar of Smuckers. Simultaneously. (And apparently actually tried for the "I was in the kitchen, naked, and there were these two baked potatos balanced on top of the jam jar, and I slipped…" defense.)
Being me, I couldn’t NOT ask. "The baked potatoes…longways, or sideways?"
The good doctor drew himself up with all the dignity that several mixed drinks could muster and said "The human sigmoid colon is not designed to accomodate a sideways baked potato."
So, yes. If you’re the sort of person who is inclined to insert multiple baked potatoes into your ass, you probably have some overriding motivations that drive you, and there is no stopping you by conventional means. Just be aware that when you wind up at the ER that, yes, the staff WILL be telling this story about you over cocktails for years to come.
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