A squirrel has been trying to get to the feeder that I had suction cupped to the window by my desk.

He can do it, if he’s patient, but he usually isn’t. He has to inch and scrabble along the little wooden crossbars on the window. Usually he gets frustrated and tries to leap for it, misses, and hits the deck.

Generally once I hear him scrabbling, I throw the shades open, and he falls off the window in a panic.

Today I threw the shades open, and found myself eye to eye with…squirrel genitals.

The squirrel was not getting down. He was getting to that sunflower seed if it was the last thing he did. He was pressed sideways against the glass, clinging to the wooden supports, and that meant his nads were squashed against the window about two inches from my nose.

“YOW!” I said, recoiling.

In case you were interested, this particular specimen had enormous black and wrinkly equipment. It looked like he was wandering around with a small tire wedged under his weenie. It was not something I was expecting to come into view before breakfast.

I strongly suspect that the squirrel is doing this deliberately. I have startled him too many times. He was waiting for me. “Ha! Scare me off the window, will she? I’ll scare HER off the damn window!”

I know I’ll think twice before flinging back the shades again…