Okay. I can read the writing on the wall when it’s in ten foot high block letters and the wall is, in fact, falling on me.
The attempt to put together a show is going on hold.
Two book covers, both from old art director friends/good customer companies whom I can’t let down. That, sure, I could handle. A few last commissions. Doable. But then, into my lap…a huge project that, while still not finalized and may or may not go through, is nevertheless the sort of dumptruck of money, high profile huge famous company thing that I would be a blazing idiot to turn down. And another hunk of…um…project shall remain nameless until finalized, but it involves a lot of…work. On an older project. Thing. Which someone likes. Thing. And just today, an e-mail from one of my all-time favorite authors (who shall remain nameless) to work on a project related to some of my all time favorite books (again, shall remain nameless) and if that goes through…well, I may eventually float back to earth, but I promise nothing. (No, it wasn’t Pratchett. I’d die on the spot of joy if THAT happened.)
Details on these projects will be revealled as soon as I have contracts and whatnot, I promise, but I’m not gonna jinx any of them by talking about them. But the long and the short is that my nice clearish schedule got hammered flat by projects that I would be six kinds of moron to turn down. Career stepping stone kinds of projects. Projects with Big Names attached. Projects that I could get really excited about.
And, let’s not kid ourselves–I overthought Gearworld way too much too fast, tried to make it obey me, and it kicked me to the curb and stomped me flat in vengeance. I’ve been blocked like someone on an all-pasta diet. I deserved it. I tried to make it work on my schedule to my whims, rather than accepting that it comes when it wants to and that I am its bitch, not the other way around. It’ll come back eventually, I know, but it’ll come on its own time. The puddle of inspiration will fill up again, and I will carefully slurp it, trying not to think about the dead rat that I KNOW is in there. But standing here with my mouth open trying to catch drops on my tongue is a fool’s game.
So. What I’m going to do is keep the few pieces I managed to get done, not put them online, not sell them, whatever. And as the muse moves me (which it undoubtedly will since I will have other projects that I am supposed to be doing, and the inspirational effects of that are well known.) I will add to them, if I can. And eventually, maybe I’ll have enough pieces for a show, and then I will shop it around as is my plan. (And hell, I’ve got a whole year before my New Year’s resolution becomes defunct, and that’s a long time.) But for now…well…I’ve been turning down work, but these are just too good to turn down, and I gotta go with ’em, or kick myself for the rest of my life.