James: The mice have eaten the spatula again.

Me: I’m sorry.

James: We’re going to have to get a new spatula soon.

Me: God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry we live in a world where mice cavort naked through our drawers, attacking innocent spatulas and defecating wildly amidst the silverware. I’m so sorry….

James: I don’t know what’s worse, naked mice or clothed ones.

Me: Clothed?

James: Yeah, top hats. And combat gear.

Me: Top hats with combat gear.

James: Top hat optional with mine. In camo.

Me: Right, then.

(For the record, they don’t defecate amidst the silverware, ‘cos I wouldn’t put up with that, but they do seem to gnaw on this spatula for no particular reason. The cat is useless.)