Just finished watching “Ladyhawke” which was on the Sci-Fi channel, and which brings back pleasant nostalgic memories. Whenever I’d visit my father, many moons ago, we’d rent sci-fi/fantasy flicks to watch at night, which is where I saw “Conan” and “Princess Bride” and “Light Years” and a number of others, including “Ladyhawke.”
Because of this, I’ve always had an irrational fondness for Rutger Hauer, despite his many dramatically terrible movies. (Well, there’s always “Blade Runner.”) And there is a soft spot in my heart for many terrible 80’s fantasy flicks because of this, and probably the reason that, when I discovered the sci-fi-fantasy section of the public library, I took to it with fanatical enthusiasm, even to the point of reading the first six Dragonlance books in about a two week period, which probably warped my ten-year-old mind to no end.
So even my critical eye was blunted by a pleasantly rosy haze watching this flick, which is why I forgave the terrible music and the uninspired swordplay and the terribly 80’s special effects. But being me, there are a few things I have to say. Fortunately, these are universally relevant. (Well, at least in my universe…)
1. If I am ever breaking ancient curses and not sure that I’ll succeed, I will not leave orders for my girlfriend to be mercy-killed at some pre-arranged signal within the hour. I will instead leave orders along the lines of “If I’m not back in a week and you’ve seen my head on a pike, use your best judgement.”
2. If I ride my very large horse into the cathedral, because I like making a snappy entrance and I happen to have a really gorgeous horse, I will be grateful that he does not fall down on the tile. I will not engage in a jousting match with some other idiot with a horse. This is a bad idea and by rights should end with both of us breaking our necks.
3. If I have an ancient curse that turns me into a whatever at sunrise and sunset, and my significant other likewise, immediately upon learning this, I will track down a chart and learn the dates of every eclipse for the next thirty years.
4. Despite the general lack of literacy during the medival era, I will learn to read and write, as the use of being able to exchange notes with my significant other should be abundantly obvious.
5. Having just defeated the evil bishop, broken my curse, and generally proved myself to be a stud, I will not turn my back on the defeated bishop, particularly when he’s still got a very large stick, is obviously pissed off, and can presumably call the guard at any point. This is only common sense.
6. I will not take off my helmet to see the eclipse better, when lifting my visor will do just as well and not leave me open to any idiot with a rock.
But I enjoyed it, anyway.