New Digger up!

I had a nightmare last night that I was preparing to take the SAT’s. Since it’s been a decade since I took my SATs (scoring a respectable 1480, which, since no one has ever once asked about them in the entire history of my adult life, I’m gonna take probably the last opportunity ever to brag about) I’m gonna chalk it up to the impending doom feeling of Anthrocon, as I scrabble to produce more art. Looking at some of the other stuff that’ll be in the Anthrocon art show, by people like Kyoht and Darknatasha and Cara Mitten, I feel the usual gnawing inadequacy, but since this is a standard state of affairs for most artists, I’m not worrying about it too much.

I’ve realized something recently about politics. I’ve realized that I miss the Republicans.

C’mon, you remember ’em. They were the guys who wanted to keep their guns and their tax money and give the power to the states and keep the federal government as lean and mean as a half-starved wolf (with a pork barrel rump). They didn’t like big government, and their motto could best be summed up with “Get The Hell Off My Property.” (Presumably, if California voted to legalize pot, a true Republican would say “States can govern themselves–I may not agree, but the Feds shouldn’t be in there busting it up.” I realize very few of ’em would agree with that, but it’s a nice dream.)

I miss those guys.

Sure, they were hypocrites, and sure, they were corrupt, and absolutely, they had all the compassion of a hyena spotting an injured wildebeest, and a lot of them were vaguely religious though not in a good way, and many of them probably secretly believed that allowing women and minorities to read had been a terrible mistake, and you KNOW some of ’em wanted welfare to include weekly beatings for being a leech on society, but at least you knew where you stood with them. They were respectable Republicans. They were the enemy, but they were an enemy you could agree with on a coupla points, and you always had a sneaking feeling that if you were making more money than a starving artist wage, your opinion on taxes for the rich might undergo a startling shift too. Even if they were Philistines about public art and happy to sell the environment to anyone with money (unless they were a huntin’ and fishin’ Republican) you could both agree that there were things that were None of the Government’s Damn Business. Sure, you didn’t want them in power, and they were often scary in many regards, but they were the known evil.

It’s better to have Vikings raiding the village than aliens.

I dunno what the hell we got in the White House now, but it’s not a Republican. In fact, were I a member of the Republican old guard (which may or may not be related to the elite Republican guard, I can’t keep ’em straight anymore) I’d be way more scared than the Democrats, because those people are doing absolutely terrifying things that do not, in any way shape or form, resemble leaving people the hell alone and giving power to the states. We’ve gone straight past Big Government and Big Brother is on the horizon. Some of these laws they’re weaseling through ought to strike fear and terror into the heart of anybody who wants any shred of autonomy for local government, to say nothing of privacy. James mutters darkly about Federalists on a regular basis, although I am unwilling to take time out of my arting to go read up on whether that’s an accurate mutter.

Sometimes I feel a little like the Hatfields and McCoys. Sure, we hate each other. It’s the law! It’s been going on nearly forever! Of course we’re delighted to see members of the opposing political clan brought low. Of course it’s silly, and counter-productive, but we manage. But all of a sudden, it’s like a horde of Stormtroopers showed up on the mountain or something–it’s not even “Better the devil you know,” it’s “Better the devil that just takes potshots at you–these guys are building internment camps in the backyard and they just put Billy Jo Bob to work in the mines!”

Sigh. I miss the real Republicans. I wonder if I put a rusted car out on the lawn, if it will make habitat for them to return to? It’s not that they were a good thing by any means, and like all nostalgia, mine is undoubtedly rose-tinged, but with what we got now, perhaps I can be forgiven for longing for the olden days when a Republican was an actual Republican, and not some kind of creepy paranoid neo-fascist determined to control every element of private life.

That I resent the current regime for making me think almost fondly of the Dead White Guy Republicans, of course, goes without saying.