Ahistorical Society: Archive Entry With Transcript, Refiled

Image located in the file “Horribly Dangerous.” Following discussion (see transcript) it was refiled under “Sid’s Crap.”

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The large stack of post-it notes and written correspondence that accumulated on this image made filing unwieldy. Transcript provided. Where chronological order could not be determined, best guess made by Intern Brittany, which would be easier if more people wrote their name on their notes.

Sid, what is this?

Horrible creepy kid statue, obvs. -Sid

Why is it in this file?

Look at it! You know it eats people or moves at night or giggles or something. -Sid

Do you have proof?

I actually agree with Sid on this one

Your opinion is noted. I repeat, Sid, do you have any proof?

Did you look at it? -Sid

The world is full of creepy statues. They don’t all eat people.

Most of them do. -Sid

No, they don’t.

Do so. – Sid

Can we have Marla smash it anyway?

Marla says she didn’t spend twenty years get pepper sprayed on the picket lines to go around destroying lawn ornaments.

–Break in correspondance. Accompanying stains indicate someone spilled tea and mopped it up with notes–

Well, something ate the Brogans. – Sid

Unless you can prove it was this statue, you have to file the photo somewhere else.

Fine. When this thing is writing “Hide and Seek” on the wall in our guts,  just remember I told you so. – Sid

That threat was really effective the first five hundred times.

I still think we should smash it.

Transcript of notes prepared by Intern Brittany, June, 15pd, filed accordingly.

Archive Entry

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Image found in a file folder in the historical society archives, under “Miscellaneous.” Other items filed under “Miscellaneous” include numerous manuals for appliances, somebody’s tax return (you know who you are), an extremely moldy grilled cheese sandwich and a birdhouse completely covered in duct tape.

The birdhouse was removed and filed more safely. The sandwich was thrown away.

The Problem of Houses

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When their humans left, the houses were left to fend for themselves. Most sank into a state perhaps analogous to a coma, uncaring of what became of them or of what wildlife nested in their eaves.

Some houses attempted to attract or entrap more residents. These were for the most part easily avoided. Mourning dove carcasses would pile up inside the front door, and any explorer who ignored a large stack of dead birds was considered to deserve whatever happened to them.

A few, enraged at their abandonment, became frankly dangerous and had to be burned. In those cases, even the remains of foundations were believed have an unpleasant effect upon the sensitive.

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