Archives of the Ahistorical Society: Speaking Owl

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Transcript of office communication, notes, & loud yelling provided by Intern Brittany!



Sid.

Sid, what is this?

We went out after that owl. – Sid

I recall you going after the owl, yes.

It’s not a very nice owl. – Sid

According to the initial report, the farmer out that way said that it called every night, “The gods are gone, the gods have abandoned you, you cannot make new gods fast enough, all will fail and fall.”

Yeah, more or less. But it said it in a owl sort of way. Like it hooted “you” a bunch of times. And then it sort of sniggered. The farmer says it eats chickens. Marla wanted to run it over with the truck, but it was in a tree. – Sid

Marla has a somewhat single-minded approach to unexplained phenomenon. Now, did the farmer have any kids?

No? Well, uh, maybe? We didn’t ask. I mean, you don’t go around saying “Hey, we’re here about your evil talking owl, and by the way, have you fathered any children that might not be in the house?” Didn’t seem relevant. – Sid

Not quite what I was getting at…

Oh god, you don’t think the owl was his, do you? Like he had a horrible owl-baby and he kept it in the attic so people wouldn’t know and then it escaped and now it’s lurking around the farm mocking him? – Sid

Maybe the owl was his wife, like in Jane Eyre! – B

I…what…no.

It could be both! His owl-wife is in the attic having owl-babies and then one got loose and–

EVERYONE SHUT UP ABOUT OWL BABIES. I was trying to figure out why there’s a child’s scribble of an owl in this file!

Oh, I drew that. – Sid

I suspected as much, but hope springs eternal.

It was dark! We couldn’t take photos! So I did an artist rendering. – Sid

In the future, please just include a note with a verbal description.

But what are we going to do about the owl-wife in the attic? – B

The love between a farmer and an entirely hypothetical owl is not our business. Just file the…the thing. Please.



Artist’s rendering and transcript filed under “Hostile, Probably Not Extremely Dangerous But Someone Who Is Not Sid Should Probably Deal With It” by Intern Brittany!

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