D&D: Someone For Everyone, More Or Less

We were fighting Briar Witch Dryads (We named them Holly and Tannenbaum) in the temple of Vecna when a thought suddenly occurred to Rooster the (well-meaning, not very bright) paladin.

ROOSTER: “Heyyyyyy, ladies…you know, we have a friendly wood-woad back home at the castle…all you’d have to do is renounce evil and I’d be happy to introduce you…”

(This is true. We befriended him some years ago, thereby derailing a great deal of plot. He lives in the orchard now.)

GM: “No. Just no. No. Anyway, you’ll have to wait until your turn.”

ME: “But I can roll Diplomacy on my turn?”

GM: “Fine, sure, whatever.”

Rooster’s turn rolls around…

ROOSTER: “So! Let me tell you about my friend Woad-Bob! He has his own wasp nest! Very…um…sexy bark? With…err…great…big..boles…”

GM: “I guess that’s versus will, but…”

ME: (rolls high) “You know I have +19 to Diplomacy, right?”

GM: “…oh, you’re f’ing kidding me!”

*pause for gentle sounds of GM head meeting keyboard*

GM: (grimly) “Tannenbaum would like to hear more about Woad-Bob.”

ROOSTER: “I have a picture in my wallet!”

RANGER: “…why do you have pictures of the wood-woad in your wallet?”

ROOSTER: “It’s not weird. I have everybody’s picture. Drow-Bob…Woad-Bob…that one kobold with the thing on his head…the Hydra…You know, in case I meet a nice young monster looking to settle down.”

RANGER: “How is that not weird?”

ROOSTER: *carefully hides the ranger’s picture* “Check out Woad-Bob! Look at those branches! And his own orchard!”

GM: “The dryad leaves combat and is waiting to go back to the castle with you. Why. What is this. What. How?”

  • reply Alison ,

    This is so wonderfully funny. 🙂

    • reply Heather R. ,

      Characters with high diplomacy ratings are scary. I have been informed that noon her approach to matter how high a DC I can hit my paladin is neot allowed to convince the demon to come visit Elysium with her.

      Plus, since I’m studying to become a diplomat, he expects me to be able to rp out that high skill rating. Damn him. We both agree that my ability to pull an inspirational rallying speech out of my backside with less than 20 minutes of prep time is kinda scary.

      I also tend to use you as an example: “Yes, Tamisen went completely tangental on her approach to this plot point…but at least she’s not Rooster.”

      • reply Heather R. ,

        Huh, so that’s where the missing words went to…first paragraph should read ” no matter how high a DC I can hit…”

        Sorry about that.

      • reply EveryZig ,

        Even the mightiest foes tremble before the diplomancer’s Way of the Ship technique.

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