So I’m finally knuckling down and doing my taxes.

On paper at least, I made half again as much money gross last year as I have ever made in my life. It was amazing. It was unprecedented. Granted that like six or seven years ago, my net income for the year was $9K, we’re still not talking outrageous sums, but to me, it is A Lot Of Money. I could buy a not-inconsequential-chunk of a house kind of money.

Except I didn’t buy a chunk of a house. And despite this restraint, I do not have the money!

I mean, I made the money! I have paperwork showing I made the money! My bank account has records that the money did exist! But where is it? *I* do not have the money! The money has gone away…somewhere…

I do not live an extravagant lifestyle! I can count on the fingers of one foot the number of times I have snorted coke off a hooker’s belly, my car is very used, and despite occasional sushi indulgences and ownership of several corsets, my friends have occasionally said, quite pityingly “You really don’t like to spend money, do you?” I deduct everything that can possibly be deducted, I pre-pay my taxes (and in retrospect, that was a solid tithe of my gross income right there…) and it’s not that I don’t understand how I spend money and all that, but I am still flabbergasted that there was all this money, money that in total is…lots and lots of money…and yet…I do not have the money!

The sheer expensiveness of life is just…insane.

Having pre-paid quite a lot, while I’ll probably be hit with another chunk, it’s nothing I can’t afford, but still…where is all the money?

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