FOR WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

A) Otter is selling my pins at Otakucon with my permission! We’re buddies! We do different cons and occasionally pimp each other’s pins! Don’t accuse her of theft, I beg of you! She is a dear friend and would post bail for me in the small hours of the night. I would give her organs. (They might not be MY organs, but somebody’s.)

B) There are a handful of people in life whom, though they do not know it, live about six inches from being on my permanent all-time shit-list. This is not because they are bad people–in many cases they are fine people, and I like them quite a lot–it is because they are the Significant Others of friends of mine. And we are fine and good and I like them, and if they ever break those people’s hearts, then I will grow an extra head that belches fire and acid and vast batwings and fifty spork-wielding arms* and I will hunt them down and I will tear them into teeny tiny little pieces and then I will feed those pieces to the beagle.

It is not my tale totell, but somebody has just made that permanent shit list. I doubt highly that he reads my blog or cares, but in case there’s any crossover–dying in a fire is too good for you, you cringing mouth-breathing coward. I profoundly hope you live a long life with the sort of women you deserve.

Thank you. That is all.

*Possibly we have moved into the metaphorical here, but you just don’t know, do you?

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