Well, creative doubts aside, at least I can say that today was not in vain!
While driving back from the grocery store with lunch, I came across not one but TWO quite large (oblong dinner plate) sized turtles attempting to cross Sawmill. I swerved, pulled over, threw on the hazards, and walked back to get ’em, thinking as I went “Oh god, let them not be snappers.”
Fortunately for both me AND the turtles, they were merely large red-eared sliders, meaning that nobody got their fingers bitten off or their shells smooshed under tires.
Kudos to a dozen or so drivers who came around a fairly tight bend, saw the turtles, and swerved or slowed down. (A couple had to do the under-the-middle-of-the-car trick, which was probably as nerve wracking for them as it was for me.) Also, kudos for not hitting ME once I went out to rescue the one in the middle of the road (one was rather more politely trying to climb the curb.)
Neither was pleased, and one tried to pee on me, but I am wise to their chelonian wiles and kept the ungrateful bugger at armslength. May the far side of the road prove to be everything they hoped it would be.