I find myself weirdly cheerful tonight. The depression is still there, a disturbingly real/unreal physical presence–instead of a phantom limb, I’ve got a phantom anvil–but I’m sort of freakishly cheery under it.
It is a complex emotion, and I don’t want to examine it too closely for fear of spooking it off.
Still, I had a Baptist missionary try to convert me this morning, (and derailed him with my fictional Catholicism and a joke about the Virgin Mary appearing in a waffle) went to the webcomics coffee clatch for lunch, had dinner with friends, and bought a fabulous Barong hanging–looks like a big demonic figure with a barong face, carrying a woman under one arm. I saw it in a weird headshop in Greensboro and said “I MUST OWN THAT!” So it was a strange but good day, all around.
Most of the side-effects have faded. I’m still a little faint/queasy in the mornings, but other than that, I’m pretty well back to normal. The exception is appetite–I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be one of these people who never get hungry again on Effexor. I literally haven’t felt hungry in a week. It’s…not as fun as you’d think, actually. I mean, sure, you think “Yay! Way to lose weight!” but I actually had no idea how much hunger relates to enjoyment of food. At this point, meals are only marginally better than cardboard. Very little appeal at all. It’s not unlike being just slightly queasy ALL THE TIME.
Thank god Deb keeps reminding me “You should be hungry now!” Once I move out, if this turns out to be permanent, I’ll have to set a timer on my computer or something.
It’s worth it if it fixes t’ol brain chemistry back to normal again, mind you, but it’s a weird experience. Still, I’m feeling rather okay tonight, and I can live like this for six months if it gets me over this bad patch.