I was chatting with a friend of mine this evening about emotions, the horror, the woe, etc. She said something to the effect that she just wished it were over and done with and she was past it–sure, it takes time, but enough! We know we’ll get there eventually, but we want the time to have passed so we can get on with things!
I sympathize with this wholeheartedly.
What I’ve been thinking of, rather often since the whole relationship mess went down, was when I used to play Shadowrun, and we’d pass time. “Okay, nobody’s doing anything? Alright, let’s pass a month. Gunther’s cyberware heals up, Bob’s gun shipment comes in, the cops stop looking for Slaughterhouse, the decker gets a cryptic e-mail from your fixer, and Ursula, you re-achieve emotional stability and stop brooding over the end of your relationship.”
That’s what I need. I mean, I know I’ll be okay–this too shall pass, as Grandma would say, and we never did figure out how many husbands she had. I come from a long line of champion coping skills, and someday I’ll look back on this and…well, probably not laugh, but at least snort ironically. It’s just the time getting from here to there is so exhausting. It hardly even feels like it’s even me* being upset any more–it’s more like I’m in here, surrounded by enormous black plastic garbage bags of generalized misery, and if I move the wrong way, I kick one and it starts to stink up the joint. And I know it takes time, and I’m really coping quite well, all things considered, I just wish the time was over and done with, as if somewhere, I could appeal to some cosmic GM and say “Uh, look, let me burn some karma points and we’ll pass a couple of months, and I’ll feel better, okay?”
I’m even willing to roll for inner peace! Hand me those dice and give me a target number! C’mon, sixes!
Alas, we don’t get to do that out here in the real world, but damn, it’d be nice.
*I mean, it’s all me, but there’s me and there’s the me that I think of as me. Um. Thing.